Fighting The Enemies of Marriage (Part Four):

Lack of Commitment (Part Three): Personal Dedication

Investing in a relationship is more like building a bank balance. This is only going to be substantial if the deposits are made on a regular basis, and far exceeds the withdrawals. This leads to the second type of commitment, known as Personal Dedication, or Dedicated Commitment. Unlike the Constraint Commitment which says, "I ought to," or "I have to," Personal Dedication says, "I want to." It is what is required to have a truly pleasurable, stable, rewarding, life-giving, and healthy marriage.

Personal dedication is a commitment that comes from the inner being of the person(s) involved. It is a personal decision to stay together through the thick and thin, rain and shine, not because of the benefits to be gained, but more because the parties see their individual fulfillment in the relationship. It represents a real and true desire to be together with one’s spouse. It involves making the relationship and each other a priority, and a willingness to sacrifice for it. It represents a shutting off of other possibilities, or options, and a decision to go all the way.

The bane of marriage in the 21st century is solely due to erosion in commitment (be it constraint or Dedicated). Traditional pillars, which previous generations honored, are today being shifted and no more holding sway. At the same time, people are not being taught (and in other cases unwilling to learn) the true meaning of marriage and the commitment it entails. As Dr. William H. Doherty rightly pointed out, “Marriage is a counter-cultural act in a throwaway society.”

“Marriage is a counter-cultural act in a throwaway society.” – Dr. William H. Doherty.

Marriage is not something to be treated with levity and thrown away at will. Rather, it is something to be treated with the utmost respect, treasured, guided, and protected with utmost care. Make your marriage the one you want it to be. Make the right investments. A healthy, stable, and rewarding marriage does not come by chance. It comes by choice, willingness, and the act of making the right investment. So, how are you doing in the commitment department? How is your marriage fairing? 

Do you have a healthy balance between the two forms of commitment? Is your marriage bliss a façade, or real? How healthy is your relationship bank account? Are you making more deposits than withdrawals? Personal dedication is what every sane person entering into a relationship really wants. Howbeit, there are enemies, both within and without. Chief amongst these and probably the mother of them all is FEAR. Sammy Davis, Jr. rightly notes, “You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear.”

“You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear.” – Sammy Davis, Jr.

Our place is to war against all such enemies and keep our marriage vibrant.

Links to the Series:

Fighting The Enemies of Marriage (Part Three)

Fighting The Enemies of Marriage (Part Five)

What Women Want When They Test Men (Bruce Bryans)

SaveSave